2005 Summer Movie Preview
April 26, 2005
In honor of the approaching summer, and in honor of the “Jeopardy” Ultimate Tournament of Champions currently going on, with the imminent return of Ken “The Man” Jennings to the airwaves, I thought it would be a good time to play three rounds of my own movie related, non-copyrighted, game show hastily dubbed, Name That Summer Movie. It’s an easy game, in the same answer/question format of the more famous Trebek-hosted original, but not as snooty, and it stars me, which is always good, from this end anyway. Points come by right answers, degree of smartness, and degree of smarminess, and remember, it’s all in good fun, so no betting, but if you must, bet hard early, because I tire from start to finish.
Round One, Blockbusters, Answer One: In this June 17th much-awaited prequel, a comic book superhero with a cape and a cool logo flies back into theaters nearly eight years after George Clooney officially laid him to rest, now played by Christian Bale, and directed by “Insomnia” director Christopher Nolan.
Adam Suraf: What is “Batman Begins”, my most anticipated film of the summer season, if not for a new, darker spin on the famous do-gooder, but to see what the talented Christopher Nolan does with his first big budget. (15 pts.)
Blockbusters, Answer Two: In this overly hyped prequel, yes, the word is hot, answers to questions only die-hard fans of the aging space saga will want to desperately know, will finally be answered, hopefully with more imagination and better acting than its two predecessors.
A.S.: What is “Star Wars, Episode III: Revenge of the Sith”, opening May 19th, undoubtedly to huge box office, mixed reviews, people scratching their heads wondering what a Sith is, and hoards of Yoda-loving freaks just dying to see Anakin Skywalker finally (man, it’s been a long time coming), finally turn wicked evil. (10 pts.)
Blockbusters, Answer Three: For fifteen, and an additional ten bonus points, name, in twenty words of less, the name, date, theme, star, and original writer of Steven Spielberg’s new alien invasion film.
A.S.: What is “The War of the Worlds”, June 29th, Tom Cruise saves kids from aliens, updated from H.G. Wells’s masterpiece. (25 pts.)
Blockbusters, Answer Four: After winning a basketful of Oscars in 2001 for “A Beautiful Mind”, producer Brian Grazer, director Ron Howard, and star Russell Crowe hook up again for this gold-tinted slice of Americana about an aging boxer in a depression era steel town.
A.S.: What is “Cinderella Man”, opening June 3rd, co-starring Rene Zellweger as Crowe’s wife, and the great Paul Giamatti as his stubborn trainer. (15 pts.)
Bonus Question: After the success of “Million Dollar Baby”, does a conventional, possibly sappy boxing drama have a chance for Oscar glory, even with a June release date?
A.S.: Probably not, but I wouldn’t count Crowe and Howard down just yet. (0 pts, unsatisfactory answer.)
Blockbusters, Final Answer: Given recent flops like “Alexander”, “Troy”, and “King Arthur”, this Ridley Scott Crusade epic starring an overly familiar Orlando Bloom, opening May 6th, is the year’s biggest question mark.
A.S.: What is “Kingdom of Heaven”, which looks like a potential blockbuster, especially coming from Scott, who somehow got “Gladiator” a Best Picture Oscar in ’99, but in an age of boring sword-and-sandal pics, Scott better have something special up his sleeve. (20 pts.)
Round Two, Potential Gems, Answer One: Japan’s highest grossing film of the year, “Howl’s Moving Castle”, receiving a Disney dub on June 10th, about a magical mountain that walks the earth on chicken legs, was directed by him, a legend of Japanese animation.
A.S.: Whom is Hayao Miyazaki, the greatest of all anime directors, returning to the States four years after winning an Oscar for his last masterwork, “Spirited Away”? (10 pts.)
Potential Gems, Answer Two: Paul Haggis, Oscar-nominated writer of “Million Dollar Baby” makes his directorial debut May 6th with this heavily buzzed about intersection of race relations in L.A., stemming from a car accident.
A.S.: What is “American Collision”?
Ooh, sorry, the correct answer is “Crash”, an L.A. story with a big cast including Don Cheadle, Brendan Fraser, Sandra Bullock, and the talented up-and-coming actor Terrence Dashon Howard, also star of July 15th’s “Hustle and Flow”. That was a big mistake, better luck next time know-it-all.
Potential Gems, Answer Three: After years of solitude and TV work, this legendary Swedish master returns to the big screen in July with “Saraband”, a sequel of sorts to his 1974 masterpiece “Scenes From a Marriage”.
A.S.: Who is Ingmar Bergman, and if you think I was going to miss that, wise guy, you were sorely mistaken, because anything by a cinematic God like Bergman, especially after such a long absence, is cause for celebration in my book. (5 pts, and don’t get smart with the host or you’ll have another thing coming.)
Potential Gems, Answer Four: In the new Jim Jarmusch dramedy, “Broken Flowers” (Aug 5th), actresses Jessica Lange, Sharon Stone, Tilda Swinton, and Frances Conroy are treated to a road trip by him, in search of the birth mother of his unknown 20-year-old son.
A.S.: Who is Bill Murray the Great, hooking up with Indy God Jarmusch for the second time, following the weirdest segment of 2003’s “Coffee and Cigarettes”. (10 pts.)
Potential Gems, Final Answer: In this risky remake, Tim Burton directs the versatile Johnny Depp in a role made famous 34 years ago by Gene Wilder.
A.S.: What is “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory”, opening July 15th, a film that, one would hope, is better than the last time Burton “re-imagined” a classic, “Planet of the Apes”, which was a disaster. (20 pts.)
Round Three, Potential Garbage, Answer One: Starring the sometimes funny, sometimes painfully un-funny (see “Be Cool” and “Johnson Family Vacation”, or better yet, don’t see) Cedric the Entertainer, someone should have been fired for pitching the big screen remake of this great Jackie Gleason TV classic.
A.S.: What is “The Honeymooners” (June 10th), one of those legendary pop-culture staples that really didn’t need an urban makeover. (20 pts.)
Potential Garbage, Answer Two: Famous already for its tabloid controversies, and allegedly hot marriage-wrecking affair between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, this Doug Liman assassin comedy opening June 10th was, for a few brief months, a paparazzo’s meal ticket.
A.S.: What is “Mr. & Mrs. Smith”, not a remake of the old Carole Lombard, Alfred Hitchcock directed screwball comedy, but something that, based on the tremendously bad buzz, possibly should have never been made. (10 pts.)
Potential Garbage, Answer Three: On May 17th, after a 15-year absence, and much recent press over a new autobiography, this infamous Oscar-winning actress returns to the screen in “Monster-in-Law”, a potentially embarrassing comedy opposite J. Lo.
A.S.: Who is Jane Fonda, kicking the can that holds a once important career? (25 pts.)
Potential Garbage, Answer Four: It has been documented that this sequel, opening August 12th, is arguably the biggest waste of money since some dope paid for its original.
A.S.: What is “Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo”, starring the hapless Rob Schneider, and a true sign that the apocalypse is just around the corner. (30 pts.)
Potential Garbage, Finale Answer: Instead of closing this piece with Michael Bay’s “The Island” (July 22nd), name these three wild cards; three reasons why the 2005 Summer Movie Season may or may not pull this dreadful movie year out of its funk.
A.S.: Hmm, what is “2046” (Aug 5th), Wong Kar-Wai’s much awaited sequel to 2001’s lyrical “In the Mood For Love”, starring the great beauty Ziyi Zhang, and Tony Leung, a film that received bitterly mixed reviews at Cannes last year. Second, “Lords of Dogtown” (June 3rd), a skateboarding film based on the documentary “Dogtown and Z Boys”, written by legendary boarder Stacy Peralta, and directed by “Thirteen’s” Catherine Hardwicke, which looks good, but is about skateboarding, so shades of Christian Slater in “Gleaming the Cube” run through the back of my mind. And finally, “Bewitched” (June 24th), starring the over-exposed Nicole Kidman and Will Ferrell, a film remake of an old TV show, now there’s an original idea if I ever heard one. (35 pts.)
Final tally: 240 for accuracy, minus twenty for being a cynical ego maniac, minus ten for being late to the taping (get a better alarm clock), and an added twenty for appropriately ripping on Rob Schneider. Good night, and have a fun summer at the movies.
by Adam Suraf